Okay folks, I know it’s been a while.
Not unusual for me.
Now you see me, now you don’t.
I tend to show up, when I have something to say.
I don’t speak simply for the sake of speaking.
I don’t like making noise for the sake of making noise.
Clearly then, I have something to say.
To those of you doing your best to negotiate the murky waters of a Mixed Orientation Relationship (MORE), complete honesty has to be your number one priority for staying afloat.
You must be one hundred percent honest with your partner(s). To do this, you must first be one hundred percent honest with yourself.
With this, I don’t mean you have to have all the answers or even know the best ways to communicate honestly. It could be clunky, messy and incoherent at times. Good, at least you’re being honest.
What you do have to have, is an open policy with all your knowing’s and unknowing’s. It’s okay to say, “I don’t know”, if that’s your truth.
It’s not okay to say, “I don’t know”, when you do in fact know. That’s lying and lying isn’t going to serve anyone.
Not even you, the liar.
Lies destroy lives. If not now, eventually.
For many, being honest is not a natural phenomenon. For one reason or another, lying has become such a natural way of life, the norm.
We all lie. There’s no denying that fact. Majority of those lies would be categorised as ‘little white lies’, such as, ‘mmm…that was delicious’, when in fact it wasn’t. There what I refer to as liveable lies.
Then there are the lies told to avoid accountability, taking responsibility for self and our actions, or lack thereof.
There’s the lies told, because we desperately want to believe what we’re saying is true.
We can even lie as a way to dominate and control a situation, control the relationship.
Lies formed to protect.
Protect who from whom?
Protect what from why?
Protection as a means of perception perhaps?
Or fear, fear breads lies.
Don’t be afraid.
Be free to be who you truly be.
Being who you truly be is better than living a lie.
Let me be clear here. Lying is not going to get you what you want. It may provide a temporary fix. It’s only a Band Aid though and eventually the wound is going to get worse when left untreated. The infection will spread, puss will weep, sepsis will set in. Death will occur, death of your relationship. You’ve drowned in the poisonous blood of the river lie.
Better to address the wound upon first noticing its appearance.
Begin by treating the wound with love and kindness. Sure it may take a few different treatments, doctors, medications, homeopathy’s, counsellors, psychologists, psychiatrists, trial and error, etc., to find the best cure for healing to take place and you know what? That’s okay. It’s all okay.
Emotions will most likely be high, low, then high again, then low again, and so on.
The fever will pass.
Keep telling the truth.
No matter how hard it is to say or how hard it is to hear, keep telling the truth.
Because, as I’ve it said so many times before and I’ll keep on saying it, “you’re worth it”.
Your relationship is worth it.
That’s why being completely honest is such an integral part of negotiating your relationship.
No matter what – you’re worth it.
You deserve to be happy.
You deserve to build a relationship based on the truth.
You deserve to have complete choice in deciding if you can do this or not.
Sometimes we fuck up. We make mistakes. All of us do at some point or another however big or small. We hurt the people we love and care most about.
It happens to the best of us.
It’s done by the best of us.
Own your mistakes. Be honest. Ask for forgiveness. Start again. Fill the space once more, this time with honest love.
Love on a lie, is not love at all. It’s manipulation. It’s control and domination. It’s false, fake, fraudulent and deceptive.
It takes away choice, informed choice.
Allow those you love to choose how they want to live their lives by giving them full disclosure. Don’t take that away from them.
MOREs are complicated at the best of times. Make them easier by being completely open and honest with everything in regards to your relationship and how you choose to create it.
To those of you who have rebuilt from the foundations up using bricks and mortar made from honest and open dialogue, congratulations. It’s not easy to do. Trusting you are reeling from the benefits.
To those of you building your relationships upon the truth you set in place from the get go, I take my hat off to you. This blog post is irrelevant to you.
Most of us however, I imagine, would’ve got here by ways of untruths becoming truths. To live in relationship with another in complete honesty from day dot, is empowering, inspiring, magical, to say the least.
To live in honest relationship with another, no matter at what stage of your relationship you get there – priceless.