Do you know what I find interesting?
Judgements and assumptions.
In particular, when it comes to putting people into little boxes or labelling them without knowing the facts, especially in regards to their sexuality.
In essence, guessing.
I’ll admit it, at times, I’ve found myself doing the same thing. I imagine we all do, have done.
For me, I’ve got my conditioning stuck on repeat and I act without awareness.
Makes it no less interesting.
However, once I am aware, I take a step back and revaluate the situation, which is, I have no fucking idea.
Nor should I.
Who am I to judge how a person chooses to show up in this world. How they express their sexuality to the broader community and if I think it is a true and correct representation of who they be?
For example, when you see a man and a woman romantically involved, the automatic assumption is, they must be a heterosexual couple.
Two same sexed people romantically involved – yep, they have to be gay.
Which in all honesty, the above two examples are flawed, as I’m guessing one’s gender too (face palm). Unless of course I know these people and know how they choose to identify.
Let alone, in this day and age, how could so many people still be so under educated, that they think there are only two expressions of sexuality amongst the human species?
Gay or straight?
Or is it, no others are deemed as superior as straight or gay?
As for those so called bisexuals, they’re just greedy. “You can’t have your cake and eat it too”. Never quite understood that saying. Why would anyone have cake and then not eat it!
Perhaps they simply believe gay and straight umbrella’s all types.
Even though we’ve heard of bisexuality and let’s be real here, if you’re reading this, you’ve definitely heard of bisexuality, yet, it – doesn’t – actually – exist, (another face palm)!?
My husband has sex with me and he also enjoys having sex with men. Please tell me how he could possibly be considered as either straight or gay? Unless of course he is choosing to openly express himself as either/or. Which he is not.
What is it with human beings and pigeon holing each other and so narrow-mindedly so?
I get we can use judgement as a tool to assist us in our understanding of our fellow human beings. Assuming of course, we are all human (wink).
What I don’t get, is what gives you the right to decide on my behalf?
Me, the right to decide for you?
I’ll tell you. “Nothing does”.
No-one has the right to make that judgment call for another.
You make it for you.
I make it for me.
Should we have to walk around with signs pinned to our chests for all the world to see declaring, I’m straight, I’m bisexual, I’m gay, lesbian, asexual, pansexual, I’m a bear, I’m poly, I’m a faerie, I’m male, female, trans, intersex, I’m Queer and so forth?
Unless of course you choose to, then who am I to judge (smile).
And that no by the way, it’s a complete sentence.
It’s interesting too, how regularly, no is followed by or proceeded with a sorry.
Don’t ever be sorry for being true to yourself or for expressing your sexuality, or gender for that matter, however you choose to express it.
Or feel you have to apologise for showing up in one way, in say, 1988 and showing up in a completely different way in 2017. Or from yesterday to today. You owe the world no explanation.
Personally, I wouldn’t be offended if somebody asked me how I identify, both within my sexuality and my gender. I would have a laugh, if they made an assumption or judgement call, without even bothering to ask me, especially when they assume incorrectly.
To the outside world, my husband and I present as your everyday, ordinary, heterosexual couple. Unless of course you know our story, or what we’ve chosen to share with you thus far, you’d know that’s nowhere near the truth.
What you may not be aware of, is by being judged as a straight couple, who we be, is erased and deemed invisible.
Sure, we get all the perks a straight couple gets. A big one being, in the eyes of the law, we’re allowed to be married.
Don’t be mistaking our straight privilege being enough to compensate for our Bi/Queer erasure and invisibility. Considering its from more than one camp.
To be seen, truly seen, acknowledged, welcomed, embraced, as we be, – nothing compares.
Or how awkward, frustrating, hurtful, challenging, it is to be advocating, promoting, working within and a part of the Queer sphere, only to be scolded, made wrong, disgusted, outcast, when Andrew and I are holding hands.
There’s that straight couple again.
I thought she was a dike.
I thought he was gay.
So next time you go to box or label someone and their sexuality (and / or gender), how about you take a step back first and check in where this is coming from. I bet more often than not it’s a suitcase full of conditioning.
Autopilot at play.
I wonder too, whose judgements they actually are, your family, community, church, society in general?
View the people around you with eyes wide open, don’t squint and guess them into your assumptions. See them in gratitude for the person(s) they be, standing before you as a complete being.
If required or curious, own it and ask. You may just get the answer you’re seeking.
If by chance someone doesn’t appreciate you asking, they’ll tell you.
Either way, it’s no big deal. So don’t make it one.
Oh, and don’t assume either, just because there are two people presenting in a relationship, that’s the end of it. Relationships, like sexualities and genders, come in as many colours as does the rainbow.
Think about that.
In finishing, if you’re a person who acts with awareness and doesn’t assume or judge people into little boxes or labels, thank you. You’re a rare kind of being. As too, is the person who doesn’t give a fuck what other people think of them and chooses to show up in all their fabulousness, exactly as they be.