At 4am this morning I decided to get up and use my time more efficiently than lying in my bed tossing and turning as sleep alluded me. I wasn’t frustrated, annoyed, nor angry with this loss. Stillness was with me, in a strange round-a-bout kind of way. There was peace in my movement.
What I was fully aware of, was Andrew lying peacefully next to me, due to get up in an hour or so to begin his new day and with me no longer in the land of zzz’s, I was most likely knocking on his blissful sleep.
It’s been years since my body awoke at such an early time. Prior to the onset of my illness in 2013, my body clock was naturally waking me between the 4 to 4:30 mark each morning and I loved it.
This was one of my favourite times of the day. It was one of my most productive times of the day too. I’d begin with some meditation. Then I’d move onto some reading, perhaps a little writing – more than likely scribbling down ideas and mental notes for later in the day when I had the time to massage those thoughts further. Then to the kitchen I’d go where I’d get my hands messy making and baking food for my family to gobble down throughout the day.
When Andrew would rise, we’d more than likely head out for a brisk walk with pooch happily leading the way. Not long after our return, I’d bid my loves see you later, have a wonderful day. Then it was me and four legs until the two amigos and amiga returned at the end of their work/uni/school day.
I’m guessing it’s the super moon that has me awake and energised, raring to get up and go at this hour today though. Not sure if it will be a common occurrence as of yet. Feeling my being is still deep in healing mode for this to be a regular happening just yet.
With the onset of this magnificent super moon’s arrival I’ve certainly felt the pull of my creative loins calling me back into routine and rhythm once more, with fresh perspectives, ideas, realisations and buds about to bloom.
A feeling of deep gratitude that I’ve had this time to hang out on the couch, with my best bestie – me (insert smile here), whilst reading lots of fabulous words in compilations I had no idea I would be devouring, just prior to devouring them. A recommendation would pop up on my Facebook feed and within a day or two I’d have it cradling in my hands, rocking it from page to page until its lullaby was finished. I was soothed and satisfied. Then I’d pick up the next one and the lullaby would begin again.
I also did this with Netflix.
Socialising and so forth.
Whatever it was I felt like doing, I did it.
If I didn’t feel like doing it, I didn’t do it.
I simply went with the motion and allowed myself this time to myself. Interacting and hibernating as I chose. Almost without question, without doubt, without guilt. Almost.
For a fleeting moment those thoughts did creep in. Thankfully voicing those concerns and freeing them from my consciousness, allowed me to come back to centre and be in gratitude once more for all the stillness and movement I choose to create in my life.
Ebb and flow.
So super moon, you’re creating some new buzz in my blood and I’m digging your groove.
Let’s see where it leads us, shall we.
Photo Credit: Super Moon, Anita Stewart-Toi