confrontation

[kon-fruh n-tey-shuh n, -fruhn-]

noun

1. an act of confronting.

2. the state of being confronted.

3. a meeting of persons face to face.

4. an open conflict of opposing ideas, forces, etc.

5. a bringing together of ideas, themes, etc., for comparison.

6. Psychology. a technique used in group therapy, as in encounter groups, in which one is forced to recognize one’s shortcomings and their possible consequences.

Source:

Dictionary.com

Photo Credit:

www.churchleaders.com

 

Confrontation.

Confrontation would have to be one of my least favourite experiences to find myself in.

Inner confrontation I seem to do much easier than outer confrontation!

Outer confrontations, I tend to avoid, at all costs. A cost I’ve discovered is detrimental to my own health and healing.

Why?

Why would I do such a thing?

With all my awareness, I know avoiding confrontation isn’t good for me at the best of times, yet it’s something I’ve done over and over.

Avoiding confrontation.

Which begins the vicious cycle, the confrontation becomes even more confronting, as I’ve been sitting with confronting the confrontation for far too long. It becomes bigger than it is or needs to be and escalates into stress, undue stress, self inflicted stress, stress, stress, stress.

Stress of my mind.
Stress in my body.
Stress on my complete being.

Yet I continue to avoid it.

What I wasn’t aware of until very recently, was just how much ill health it was causing me by avoiding confrontation. I’m convinced it’s why my fatigue is so fatigued of late. I’ve known this for a couple of weeks or so now and here I am, still avoiding confrontation.

I wonder if it’s due to controls influence, or lack there of.

Or it’s more conditioning at play.

Both!

With inner confrontation I can easily control the outcome. I am the outcome. I am in full negotiation and dialogue with my self. I control all the controllable’s and all the uncontrollable’s, because it’s all about me. I am in complete choice.

Outer confrontations, require me to engage with others.

That can get tricky, as I don’t necessarily know what’s going on for them in that moment. Have I caught them on the hop and they politely engage with me, when in fact they’re running late for something else? Are they hungry, hot, cold, tired, busy, emotional, bored, sick, distracted, not interested and so forth?

Is this even a good time?

Are they self aware?

Responsive?

Reactive?

Am I feeling any of these?

Will I be met with deaf ears.

Or the, yes, yes, yes, yes’s, I agree, absolutely, sure thing. With no follow through, no intention to change, no movement, nothing. Purely lip service.

Too many variables.

Yet as much as I dislike confrontation and do my best to avoid it, I regularly find myself in the midst of it.

It comes with the territory.
The human kind.

I haven’t yet struck another individual who’s on the same page as me, 24/7.

Which I imagine would be rather boring, unchallenging, stifling, etc, if I did.

What makes confrontation so uncomfortable to begin with anyway?
So easy to put off to another day?

Is it due to its negative connotations?
Negative definitions?

Confrontation – the state of being confronted. An act of confronting. Open conflict of opposing ideas, forces, etc.

Is that what we take with us when in confrontation with another?

Our defences?
Shackles up?
Battle gear at the ready?
Closed mindedness?
Righteousness?
Demands?
Attack?

And yes, that dreaded conditioning?

Why haven’t we been taught, when going into confrontation with another to:

Check in with our emotions.
Ground ourselves.
Be clear about what it is we’d like to discuss.
Leave our ego at the door.
Come from a place of love.
Ask, is now a good time?
Be mindful we’re 50% of the interaction.
100% responsible for our selves.
Smile (if not on the outside, definitely on the inside).
Stand tall/sit upright, allow energy to flow.
Use our words wisely.
Deal with the facts, openly and honestly.
Listen, really listen.
Negotiate.
Adjust accordingly,
Compromise.
Resolve.
Be okay with no resolution at this point.
Leave feeling empowered.
Leave the other person feeling empowered.
Be grateful,
Remember to breathe!

Breathing is a biggie.

I know at times I forget to breathe when dealing with confrontation and I know I’m not the only one to do so. How on earth does holding our breathe serve us? Starving our brain of vital oxygen when we require it to perform at its best.

Confrontation without story, blame, attacking and no defences in play.

Then follow through, implement any changes, review outcomes if need be.

Confrontation doesn’t have to be sought with negativity, aggression or avoided.

One can either continue to allow something/someone to get under their skin.

Or.

One can address the situation, surrender to it, change it, let it go, appreciate it for what it is, release it in some way, shape or form.

Have that conversation.

For when you think about it, confrontation is simply a conversation waiting to happen.
That’s it.
A conversation.

Using effective communication.

Yes.

An exchange of ideas.

Yes.

An open negotiation.

Yes.

Productive, powerful, pleasing to all.

Yes.

With respect.

Yes.

Confrontation doesn’t have to be met with angst nor preparation for battle.

An, us or them, do or die, scenario.

Confrontation is a means to an ends.

Ok how about this, if you still find confrontation confronting, change the word confrontation to conversation. By doing so you take away its power over you and reclaim your power back.

Simple.

Control the controllable’s.
How you choose to respond.

How do you feel about the confrontations in your life?

Do you avoid them at all costs?

Do you view confrontation as having a negative impact or a positive one?

What are your thoughts on confrontation simply being a conversation?

Confrontation.

4 Comments. Leave new

  • Thanks Lyndal, I am needing to have a debrief conversation with someone and am still working out how to do this in a positive, productive way.

    The conversation will happen, but it needs to be done keeping all of your points in mind. I hope that I remember them all!

    Love your work.xx

    Reply
    • Hi Lynda,

      My suggestion would be to have your conversation sooner than later and don’t get bogged down in the details. If you were to remember to breathe, come from a place of love and be 100% responsible for yourself, I imagine would make for a productive outcome.

      Actually you know what? On further reflection, it’s all very simple. It all comes down to one thing, trusting ourselves. Trusting in our knowing. Trusting we’ll remember everything we need to remember. Trusting in it all being exactly as it is meant to be. Trust yourself Lynda :o)

      How easily we overcomplicate life.

      Thanks Lynda!

      Big love & huge hugs :o) xx

      Reply
  • Fantastic! So inspiring!

    Reply

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