Hello beautiful people,

I had a good laugh at myself recently when I realised that even as liberated as I have become over the years in regards to sex and sexuality, I was shocked to discover a layer of prudishness lingering under the surface and some old conditioning tickling at my insides. In essence stuff had come up!

A friend of mine had joined me as part of a Facebook group she was in called, now this is where I caught myself gasping for breath and stunned for a moment, ‘women who enjoy back door bonking’ – what the! Oh my god!

My initial response was I’m not one of those women. How the hell do I get out of this group? What if someone saw that I was a part of this group? That’s not who I am. I don’t do that, Oh my god!

That’s when I began laughing and laughing out loud too! What a nuffy I was being. Had I forgotten about my purpose in this lifetime? Had I forgotten about the book I’m writing, Sexual Biversity – a real wife experience for a real life situation? Had I forgotten about this blog? Had I forgotten that earlier this year on national television I confessed to the world that I enjoy pleasuring my husband in his other preferred style! Translation – back door bonking!

I was fascinated that by using a different set of words what it had stirred up inside me. How my emotions started twisting and turning. How a whole heap of old stuff had bubbled to the surface. Fortunately over the years I have also learnt to recognize stuff as stuff and release it. Today I can look at what is, exactly as what is, delete the story, cut straight to the facts and head right to the source, the truth of what is. The truth for me is – I am a woman who enjoys back door bonking!

Phew, there it is, I’ve said it and out loud too! And you know what it was easier than I thought it would be. There was just something about that word…bonking, that struck a chord with me, not one of my usual words I guess.

For a large part of my life I hated anything to do with sex and sexuality. I could have continued on my journey not even thinking about it. Let alone having to do it! A part from wanting to birth my own children, there was nothing about it that interested me in the slightest. Fortunately today as an empowered woman I thoroughly enjoy the connection I have with my husband, physically, spiritually, mentally and emotionally. I love making love with my husband in all manner of ways, my way, his way, the Tantric way, intimately and erotically, slow and sensual. Then there are the times when a good quick bonk serves a purpose too. I just wouldn’t have ever referred to it as bonking, a quickie perhaps, though definitely not bonking!

So today I’m proud to be part of such a group where mature conversations take place by adults, women and men, openly and honestly about sex and sexuality, or in the words of the creator ‘women who enjoy back door bonking’. As I understand it this group was formed as a way of creating awareness, making a difference by dispelling the myth that women don’t enjoy such an act and I guess, evolving ones being.

The bottom line (no pun intended!) is that the anus and rectum house a myriad of nerve endings in both males and females and for some it is their most highly erogenous zone. Plus for the male it is the pathway that leads straight to their G-spot, the prostate gland and massaging of the prostate gland is medically believed to relieve prostate conditions such as BPH (Benign Prostatic Hypertrophy) and Prostate Cancer.

Massaging of the male G-spot can be a highly sensual experience as well, if done properly and gently at first. In fact it is the equivalent to the female G-spot so be ready to have your socks knocked off – best not to wear any perhaps! Why then for so many years the ‘back door’ has been a ‘forbidden zone’ puzzles me when it is so highly beneficial!

Okay so back door bonking may not be for everyone and that’s okay. I know for myself it was a definite no go zone. However today having the relationship I have with my husband I feel very safe with what we do and trust him completely with my body as he trusts me with his. Talking openly and honestly about how you are feeling is paramount to the success of any intimate relationship. Sure some topics may be embarrassing to discuss at first, though the more you talk about them, the less embarrassed you will feel and I’m betting the more empowered you will become.

Let me pause here for a moment to check in with you. How are you going? Breathing? What are you feeling right now? Any stuff coming up for you? If so, take a big deep breath in and relax. Do that a couple of times if need be. Sit with yourself and do a little sorting of the stuff. Release that which is story or doesn’t serve you and find your own truth, what’s right for you.

Or on the other hand you may be cool with this kind of content and are wondering what the big deal is here. Don’t you just love the diverse ways in which we digest things, especially our stuff! I know I do.

One of my favourite authors in regards to sex etc. has to be Tracey Cox (ironic really!). Hot Sex – How To Do It and Supersex are some examples of her work and a couple of favourites of mine.

Oh and by the way the name of this group I’m in is what it is because Facebook wouldn’t allow the creator to use the correct terminology!  And it’s a private group with members being by invitation only!

So here’s to a healthy, happy, fulfilling relationship with the one you love, on all levels! And don’t forget the most important relationship you have on this Earth is the one you have with yourself!

Love & hugs,


‘practice what you passion’®

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