Hello beautiful people,
Okay, okay I get it. You’re happy with how I’ve been doing things here at Sexual Biversity so I’ll just keep on keeping on. Please note that my offer still stands; if you ever want to ask me a question or would like me to discuss a particular topic, just send me an email and we’ll go from there.
Today I’ve decided to post a question that had me stumped for years that I’m guessing could be of interest to you too.
How do you move out of a place of anger, jealousy, mistrust, disempowerment, disbelief and the not good enough’s, when you discover that the love of your life, your best friend, your soul mate, your beautiful husband has been having sex with men – what the! To reach a place of forgiveness, trust, empowerment, acceptance, unconditional love and the more than good enough’s with this same man?
Good question don’t you think? Big question as well, wouldn’t you agree!
Now when I say this question had me stumped for years, I mean years. I took the long way round, kicking and screaming as I went along. I had no idea how I was ever going to be able to achieve this outcome. I wasn’t even sure it was doable or that I really wanted to do it! Who in their right might would want to live out their lifetime with a man who is sexually attracted to men as well?
I wasn’t even sure I was ever going to be able to recover from such a devastating betrayal let alone achieve the undoable! This was crazy I tell you, crazy. Surely I would have to end up a screw or two loose – damaged goods for life.
Thankfully the undoable is doable and I have done it! I’m not sure how many others have done it as information is limited in this area. That’s one of the reasons why we are both here, to do the undoable and then shout it to the world! Okay, I’ll do the shouting if you like.
I’d be lying to you if I said it was easy, as it certainly wasn’t, though that being said it definitely was simple. Once I uncomplicated it, that is! I had turned the issue of my husband’s sexuality and his betrayal upon me into a major dramatized production with two fabulous stars – the villain and the victim, and I played my role beautifully. In fact if they were giving out an Oscar for the role of victim I would have to have been the clear winner!
So what did it take to pull myself out of victim mode and into the role of victor, or the more feminine Victory?!
That one is easy!
Practice, a whole lot of practice!
For years it had all been doom and gloom with little chance of my depressing life being anything else. Then one day I began to think about the almighty ‘what if’, that perhaps I could have my happily ever after. That perhaps I could forgive my husband. That perhaps I could even trust him again. That perhaps I could stop trying so hard to change him and accept him, bisexuality and all. That perhaps I could fall in love with him as the complete being that I now knew him to be. Perhaps there could come a time when I wasn’t struck down by the pure jealousy and anger of the whole situation. And perhaps I would no longer worry about what other people would think! Perhaps, just perhaps, if I began to think about this ‘what if’, my life could evolve from the depths of despair to the height of fulfilment, if only I began practicing them.
For as I travelled through the stages of healing I did begin to practice seeing my life differently and practice doing my life differently, trusting that everything would be as it is was meant to be. That I would have my happily ever after and with this man I called my husband.
In realising I was more than good enough I practiced being the best person I could be. I exchanged my negative limited thinking to possibility thinking and continue practicing that on a daily basis. Sure I’m part human and sometimes I do slip up, however now I can recognize those times and easily rectify the situation. The more I practice all of this, the more I love myself and my life, the more I can give the very best to myself and others.
With continued practice I could even learn to embrace my husband’s sexuality, as it would easily become a natural way of being. I could make love to him, as passionately as he had been making love to me, without feelings of disgust and what the hell am I doing here! I would begin to feel so comfortable with who I was and within my relationship with him that if there ever came a time when Andrew wanted to go out and have a bit of man on man, I would be totally okay with that, as that too would become a natural way for us to be.
Practice people, it’s all about practice, lots and lots of practice! Oh, and breathing, breathing is very beneficial as well!
Today this is my reality. I live this extra-ordinary life. I have let go of all the past hurts, betrayals, past conditioning and beliefs that had kept me a prisoner in my own life. I have forgiven my husband one hundred percent and I do trust him completely. I do have a heart full of love for this wonderful man that gifted me so much from having had, and continuing to have this empowering experience with him. I have embraced his sexuality fully and in doing so ignited my own sexual passion as well. I feel more of a woman today than I have ever felt before. I have loved and will continue to love unconditionally, my husband, myself and my journey, every day that little bit more.
What is it you are practicing? Are you practicing struggle? Or are you practicing the possibility of the ‘what if’?
Love & hugs,
‘practice what you passion’®