How does one ever get from a place of total betrayal, heartache, anger, jealousy, and so forth to a place of happiness, complete trust, forgiveness and that of loving unconditionally?

I can recall thinking about what would be inscribed on my headstone once I had died; a little morbid I know, nonetheless a real thought that would cross my mind often.  I could imagine it saying something along the lines of ‘at least she was persistent and full points for trying!’

I had no idea how I was ever going to get out of the predicament I had found myself in.  Couldn’t you just wake up one morning and violà everything was restored to its natural positive balance in life?  That the beautiful Jeannie (from the hit 60’s show I Dream of Jeannie) visited me during the night, crossed her arms, nodded her head whilst blinking her eyes so that when I woke up the next morning there was my perfect outcome!

I use to believe that was how it would work, perhaps without Jeannie needing to be present! That one day I would indeed wake up from my nightmare of a life and everything and I mean everything would be all sorted, including my husband’s misguided views on how one lived their life and I would feel all full of love once more having no attachments to the events of my past whatsoever.  It would frustrate the hell out of me when this didn’t happen.  Why wasn’t it happening?  Why couldn’t I wake up one morning and everything be perfect?  I’d heard of this happening to other people, so why not me?  What was wrong with me?  Didn’t I deserve to have all that pain and baggage erased from my life and live my happily ever after?  Why wasn’t someone fixing this for me?

My understanding was all that needed to happen for me to feel this way was for me to go through some sort of quantum leap.  I believed a quantum leap was simply a huge jump from one place to the other with instant results!  Like going from here ………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………….

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to here with nothing in between.  What I discovered instead was a whole host of small steps that got me from one place to the next, with the very first step being taking full responsibility for my own life! Then there was the next step, then the next and on and on it went until before I knew it I had experienced this huge shift in all areas of my life, a quantum leap.

Today I can look back at all those dark days without having to relive the raw emotion that went with them.  There really is no attachment, in fact the complete opposite.  I can look back and give thanks for everything that has taken place in my life as without it I wouldn’t be the person I am today.  And I definitely wouldn’t have had the courage to share my journey with you.  That’s why I can also give thanks to my husband Andrew; he has given me more than I could have ever dreamed of, even without the aid of Jeannie!

All those small steps that I took along the way were in all areas of my life not just within my relationship with Andrew, it was a total wellbeing package if you like for my mind, my body and my soul that continually evolves on a daily basis.  I don’t dare claim to have everything in my life all sorted.  I do believe that I am at least on the right path now.  Every aspect, every minute detail of my life was put under the microscope to see how healthy it was for me to continue to have within my being – if it didn’t serve me, or did me real harm – out it went!  A little tricky at times to weed out what was truly harmful from what wasn’t as for a long time there I’m sure Andrew would have fallen into the real harmful category had it not been for the fact that my heart kept telling me otherwise and to hang in there.

Sometimes though like any dis-ease one is inflicted with it can take a few goes to be fully clear of its effects as not only is it about cleansing the soul it is also about being willing and able to change a bad habit or overcome an addiction.  Let alone the nasties that can keep you stuck, like the harmful chemicals we so readily find in our food supply these days and the products we use on our bodies and in our homes.  I’m sure they gave me foggy brain for years as well as contributing to a whole host of other ailments and reactions.  This was such a huge area of my journey that I could write a whole other blog on this topic. Perhaps I will, note to self!

So basically people it’s the small steps that count, or as Paul Kelly so beautifully coined ‘from little things big things grow’.  It’s all those delicate intricacies in your life that assist you with moving forward.  The key here though is unearthing the hidden treasures as well as discarding the junk, such as all the things that you are grateful for along the way.  On those dreaded days they were really hard to find even though they were always there.  Sometimes you just have to dig deep.  That too could be a whole other blog in itself – gratitude.

I guess what I’m trying to say here is ‘Never Give Up’.  Don’t quit because it’s too hard or scary or not what other people would approve of or appears to be way out of reach, for the time being.  Keep taking small step after small step until you know you have reached a quantum leap and remember to be grateful for the things in your life that do work and are wonderful such as a brand new day or a smile from a stranger!  Even though our journeys may be different the same basic principles apply – one small step at a time.  Be kind and gentle to yourself, which includes looking after yourself in whatever shape way or form that works for you.

Love and hugs,

Lyndal

‘practice what you passion’®

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