Thank you for watching a show that explored a very controversial topic indeed, with some rather different approaches to how one lives with an experience of Infidelity. It’s great to see such open and honest discussions taking place here too about what you are thinking and how you are feeling. I see no right or wrong here just differences.
Going public with the relationship I have with my husband wasn’t done with the intention of telling everyone this is how I think you ‘should’ live your lives. It was done as an example for those who find themselves in that really challenging place of having to deal with a betrayal within their relationship and how if the two of you choose to work at healing and rebuilding the relationship to a level that is based on love, trust and forgiveness it can be done regardless of the fact of who the betrayal was with (man or woman).
I have had seventeen years to heal and rebuild my relationship with Andrew to a level of being in love with him more than what I was twenty two years ago when we first started dating, trusting him completely and forgiving him for everything. For me this wasn’t an easy thing to do and took me several years and lots of counseling (with and without Andrew), personal and spiritual development work and a lot of faith to achieve. I did all of this because I do believe in the vows that I took when I married my husband and because I wasn’t willing to give up on myself, my relationship with him or my family unit as a whole.
I don’t know many people who would even be willing to forgive their partner (as this is not only something that happens to women) after such a betrayal. I absolutely loathed what Andrew was doing to the point that it would make me physically ill. I pushed myself through comfort zone after comfort zone so that I could reach a place of loving another human being unconditionally and to now have that flow on effect to others in my life including myself is reward enough. As you would have heard on the show I already ran the pattern of not feeling good enough then to discover that I wasn’t even enough was truly devastating. To be in a place today that I can look in the mirror and say I love you Lyndal without any obscenities coming back at me (out of my own mouth) and knowing that I am more than enough is also a blessing. I now have more love, respect and self worth than I have ever had in my life and I give thanks to my husband for giving me the opportunity to find this within myself. And by doing so I can now give to others, in the form of unconditional love (and just so you know that these are not words that I throw away lightly), forgiveness, friendship etc. which is something I wasn’t able to do prior to disclosure, because I was a person of immensely low self worth.
Was living with a man who swings both ways what I signed up for when I said I do? Definitely not, I grieved the loss of the relationship I believed I had for a very long time and was very embarrassed and ashamed of my lot in life also for many a year afterward. To reach a place of true acceptance, love and happiness with my husband, my family and myself and how we choose to live our lives I believe is quite extraordinary. I didn’t have to forgive my husband or stay in the relationship. That is something I chose to do, as did he. Maybe our relationship is the exception not the rule, although if we can do it surely anyone can.
I also believe that my family is that more empowered from having me do so. My family unit consists of a love that is unconditional with an openness that anything at all can be talked about in a safe, supportive and loving way. As for my children, they are two of the most well balanced and grounded human beings that I have ever had the pleasure of coming across, who are very sure of themselves and filled with self love and respect. They don’t go out and get drunk, they don’t do drugs, they don’t disrespect others and they aren’t living in a hostile environment or being dragged from one angry parent to another whom has no idea how to forgive or to let go of the past. They have witnessed a realness in a relationship warts and all and have also seen with their own two eyes what it looks and feels like when a person (persons) can come out the other side of such a challenging event unscathed and unscarred with more love and compassion than what they went into it with. They love hanging out at home with their dad and I and we all thoroughly enjoy spending the quality time that we do together, usually on a daily basis. They are two very healthy and happy young adults.
My relationship with Andrew is so natural to me now as is talking about it that perhaps I forgot that it has taken me seventeen years and a lot of hard work and commitment to get here and that I think everyone else will understand when I talk about things that don’t come with all the information and history that is attached to it. I can only trust that my book and blog can do this more effectively than Andrew and I could manage to do on a show where we were not the only guests. I am no longer afraid of what other people will think of me and how I choose to live my life with the man who is my soul mate, he has to be, what other being would give me such a gift as he has.
By sharing my story so publically, if I can assist just one other person that to forgive another completely and to regain trust is highly achievable. And also to do it differently to the way I did it, for I did do it the hurt and angry way for a long, long time, to reach that place of forgiveness and to love another person unconditionally then by doing so I truly believe it is worth taking that risk and diving into the unsure waters that is the public arena. I see myself as a difference maker and that is what I will do with the love and full support from those people whom are close to me, including my children.
Imagine if this kind of betrayal happen to them. I would like to believe that they would have the ability and self worth to make a choice based on what is right for them, not what they believe they ‘should’ be doing in the eyes of another. And God (please replace with your own belief) forbid if they were to be the one doing this to another person, what the consequences could be and what it takes for one to forgive them for their mistake. How much easier it would be for them to be in a relationship that is based fully on trust, respect, unconditional love and effective communication from the onset. These are all great learning’s for them.
I feel so solid within my relationship and trust Andrew one hundred percent that if there were ever to be a time that Andrew felt a desire to go out and be with a man for the physical aspect of that, that we will talk about it before it happened and I believe that I would be okay with him doing that. Although having not only accepted Andrew for who is completely including his sexuality there has not been a need for him to do so for many a year now. We have reached a level of intimacy, trust, respect and love now in our relationship as two individuals making up the whole, which I didn’t even now could exist prior to disclosure.
If you have all of this within your own relationship, how wonderful, if you don’t, then why don’t you? Can you talk so openly and freely about anything that you choose to with your partner? I can and for that I am eternally grateful. I can also talk freely and openly with others so that I can process and evaluate for myself what could work and what wouldn’t work within the relationships I choose to have in my life.
With love and light,
If you would like to follow my journey or discuss anything further, please feel free to check out my website/blog at www.sexualbiversity.com